Psychology Video: Miley Cyrus - Wrecking Ball (Official Video)The graduation party begins for parents and children long before June - with the choice of dress or costume. And the closer the summer, the more excitement. What makes us from generation to generation succumb to this fever?
My own graduation took place on June 20, 1990. Six months before my mother triumphantly led me to an important lady — the dresser of one of the Moscow theaters. She looked around my rather large size for 17 years and told my mother: "Don't worry, we will make a princess out of your Brunnhilde". I didn’t want to be a princess at all, but they made me from January to May: once every two or three weeks I came to the theater for a fitting, where I would have lace stitched together with a shiny shine on the complex cascade of poisonous blue satin , it was replaced with a thin gold grid ... In this outfit, I felt like an artificial Christmas tree with light bulbs turned on in the most unnecessary places and suffered silently because I terribly dislike neither the dress, nor the dressmaker, nor I myself. But mom was delighted and kept repeating that she had no dress except for school uniform ...
SYMBOLICALLY GIRL "GETTING MARRIED FOR LIFE", MOVES INTO NEW FOR ITSELF BY MEANING AND AGE OF A GROUP.
Recalling my graduation experience with sadness and annoyance, I really wanted my own daughter to enjoy everything related to this "first ball", and thought that she would certainly choose her own dress. Last year I honestly waited until May, while on TV every morning they talk about what fantastic money parents give for haute couture outfits, and at parents' meetings, mothers did not discuss the upcoming USE, but prices for hairstyles and shoes. When I succumbed to general fever, I could not stand it: "Well, what kind of dress do you want ?!" The child hesitated and said that he wanted to look like Oksana Akinshina's heroine in the film "Styles" (directed by Valery Todorovsky). And we found a dress in which she was comfortable and fun.
School graduation has long become a kind of industry. Hundreds of graduation agencies are ready to "make the holiday unforgettable." They provide a variety of services - from rental of jewels to renting ships, cottages, clubs, limousines, hiring chefs and guards ... But the most important and pressing issue is the choice of dress or suit.Uniform madness reigns in girls' forums on the Internet: girls discuss styles and prices for days. And they have something to discuss. The dress of a Moscow graduate cost her parents at least 14 thousand rubles this year, and they spent at least 9 thousand on a graduate. Sew a dress to order can be an average of 35 thousand rubles. To this should be added the cost of accessories, elegant shoes, holiday hairstyle, manicure and makeup. A lot of disputes and quarrels happen between children and parents on the eve of the prom, everyone is nervous, and the closer the day "X", the greater the hype ... What makes us, parents and children, go to all this? What are we waiting for, what are we hoping for?
Whose desires are these?
"I really wanted to relive this excitement and the anticipation of the holiday: my daughter and I finished the same gymnasium, my shadow of 20 years ago still rushes through the corridors and plays on the school stage," says 38-year-old Tatyana. "But when I saw her classmates at the prom, I just gasped." What was missing there: heavy purple-purple ball gowns with an open back, and trouser business suits, and translucent airy cloaks of pastel shades ... But most of all I was struck by a soul mate Lucy, a charming, swift,elf-like: she was wearing a black deaf dress under her throat, she was clutching a huge clutch in her hands, and was wearing a powerful gold necklace around her neck. When she saw me, she was embarrassed: "Parents think that this is stylish ..."
Mary and Daria, 17, in high school graduation
Mary, 17 years old "I will definitely cry"
I feel that this will be a bright, joyful moment: the school will turn into a fairytale castle, flowers everywhere, stairs decorated with draperies, everyone congratulate each other. I imagine how solemnly I will enter the wide-open doors like a real princess, in a beautiful dress, accompanied by her parents ... The school is eleven years old, and at that moment, when everything ends, you understand: something new, completely different will continue. Very happy, but very sad at the same time. It seems to me that many will cry. I will definitely be. And, of course, every girl wants to be the most beautiful: it turns out that at the festival we pass another exam - for beauty and femininity. And who will receive the highest score is unknown until the end of the evening ... "
Daria, 17 years old "The main thing is to find your own"
If you find the perfect dress for prom, then everything goes as it should. In this I am absolutely sure! My friends and I are very worried and worried.At the beginning of the year I dreamed of an incredibly chic long dress, but now I decided that the most important thing was to find my dress, no matter how luxurious it would be and what a model would be. At prom I want to look feminine. I really want to show myself and classmates that I can be an excellent student not only in school! And, of course, I will make up, although I usually do without cosmetics, I will make a stunning hairstyle. Graduation is very important. The final stage, the final impressions of the school, teachers, classmates ... "
"It is important for many parents to demonstrate (to themselves and others) that they are ready for everything so that the daughter looks especially on this one of a kind day," says psychotherapist Ekaterina Mikhailova. "But their investment in outfits is also an analogue of the almost forgotten institution of the dowry, the theme of the" rich bride. "
However, not every modern graduate will allow parents to assert themselves one way or another at her expense, many of them have clear ideas about their own image. "They perceive this evening as a significant event, as an underlined stage of maturation and transition into adulthood," says sociopsychologist Irina Palilova.- And, of course, they dream to be "the most beautiful and the most compelling." That is quite consistent with the status of a graduate school. "
"Symbolically, the girl" marries a life, "enters a new group for herself in terms of meaning and age group," Ekaterina Mikhailova specifies. And the dress for her is really the first real, "adult" dress. And the school holiday - the first ball. And you want (rightly) to feel feminine, light, stylish. And I want to be remembered by my classmates beautiful, unexpected, unusual.Julia, 17 years old, at school graduation
Julia, 17 years old "This is only the first frontier"
I am a versatile person. I can go for a week in sneakers, but I can come in high heels - it all depends on my mood, on what day, what I see myself. I, frankly, want to finish school and immediately forget about it. This is only the first line in life, and graduation - rather a formality, a farewell ceremony with those with whom he studied. The theme of the outfits is discussed very vigorously, especially among the pupils: they get medals, it is important for them to look good. At first, I thought that it was necessary to dress in some unusual way, in a leather dress, for example. Actually, I like to show off.But then I thought that my classmates perceived me as an alien phenomenon anyway, so at the graduation I will still look traditional. I want to feel like a princess and impress my young man. I'll wear a black dress with a bow. And I will surely put myself in order, I will do my hair, make-up, so that later the children would not be ashamed to show photos. "
Fears and Amulets
"The prom is once in a lifetime! - 42-year-old Svetlana, moderator of one of the online forums dedicated to the school, gets excited. - If we do not try to make our daughter the brightest at this holiday, it means that we don’t care about her future! My grandmother said: "Dress the fate in the beautiful - she will dress you in happy." If you consider a dress as something ordinary and insignificant on such an important day, then we can break the fate of your child! "For some adults, choosing a daughter’s dress is like an attempt to appease fate, a talisman, a talisman that the older generation should pass on to the younger one.
FOR SOME PARENTS, THIS IS AN ATTEMPT TO ENSURE DESTINY AS A WONDERFREE OR A TALISMAN THAT WE HAVE TO PASS TO THEIR CHILDREN.
Those who can not afford a dress that seems to them worthy of their child, try to compensate for the relative "simplicity" of the dress: they make the daughter a hairstyle with fresh flowers, take out family jewels or take them "for the evening" from friends. "Parents often identify prom dress with a pass to life," confirms Irina Palilova. - For some of them it is an important part of the ritual. In this case, the preparation for graduation becomes a contest, by participating in which you can demonstrate your viability - material and parental. "
(C) dress up a son
"My father and I were persuading Pasha to buy or sew a three-piece suit," recalls 45-year-old Vera. "I even burst into tears, but he rested like a ram: I hate ties, go in jeans and a white shirt, leave me alone!" However, some modern young men are on a par with the young ladies orient themselves to prestigious brands and buy them, if funds permit. But still most attention is not focused on clothing. "Boys are not particularly interested in their own appearance and how their classmates look like an adult," says Yevgeny Karpov, a teacher of Russian language and literature.- For them, this is more of a reason for jokes and banter. The graduation program is more important for them and the fact that they can drink champagne almost legally and smoke in the school yard. On the other hand, I would not say that they do not care what to wear. For example, one of my graduates shared this feeling: "When I put on a suit, I suddenly realized that this all turned out to be serious: I really grew up and finished school - that’s cool!"
"Special dresses that are worn once, like a wedding or prom dress, symbolize the irreversibility of change, the transition to a different quality," says Ekaterina Mikhailova. - Initiation, farewell to the past life and the unknown future - this is their deeper meaning. And the light clothes of the graduates (as well as the brides) are also a little shroud, festive funerals of the previous period of life. By investing in this impractical case, the parents seem to conjure the formidable forces of fate, not fully understanding it. Not to invest - for example, to buy something for your daughter that you can then wear every day - means to unconsciously deny the irreversibility of the transition and its uniqueness. Both are psychological defenses, only different. "
To suit sat
Presentation of certificates has come to an end, the informal part begins, parents go home and will wait early in the morning for their freshly baked graduates. And then - the next stage of maturation and socialization: admission to the university. A purchased or sewn prom dress is likely to never be worn again. And it is difficult to predict his fate: maybe it will be given to someone, so that it will once again beautify the girl graduate, or maybe it will be used for home theater or ruthlessly shredded into "puppet outfits" for the younger sister ... But in any In the case of a prom dress for all of us, this is something that must be "remembered.
The film "Classmates" by Sergei Solovyov begins with the very wealthy parents of a girl and a boy discussing how to make their children stand out from the crowd of golden youth at graduation. And then, remembering which of them and how I celebrated my graduation, sing the song "I am ready to kiss the sand that you walked on" in chorus. These screen parents had something to remember, although they clearly lacked a sense of humor and a sense of proportion.Probably, it is about these two feelings that all of us parents should remember. In the end, after all, it's not about how much money and effort we spent on the graduation gown, but about our children feeling happy in it.Photo source:Timur Artamonov